Remember riding the bus home the first day of kindergarten when nothing looked familiar,and you had that horrible,sickening feeling that you got on the wrong bus? That's how I feel every morning when I wake up. Nothing about this life seems familiar. In fact, quite the opposite. Nothing is how I think or feel it 's supposed to be. Somehow I got on the wrong bus.
Try as I might to fit in and alter my views to what seem to be the norm on this odd little planet, my soul refuses to allow it. I fail miserably in understanding why people do what they do. I think my thought processes must be different. I've got a ticket for a different bus.
I frequently have dreams of the same nature. I'm on the wrong bus, or plane, or I get off at the wrong stop. Sometimes I dream I'm standing in a slow moving line for what seems like an eternity only to find out when I reach the counter that I've been in the wrong line the entire time.
I've felt this way my whole life. Other than a physical resemblance to my mother, I couldn't be less like any of my family. Intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, we share no common ground. I associate with them because we are related by blood, but the absolute lack of similiar values, interests, and the inability to carry on intelligent conversation makes time spent with them a trial. And furthers my belief that I'm on the wrong bus.
I don't understand people in general. I remember when I was quite young I would often wonder if people were really that stupid or was i just not understanding, And I still think people are really stupid. Read the paper, watch TV, listen to the radio, people watch at the mall. One ridiculous event after the other.
It's a shame that in order to function and fit into this ridiculous world I find that I, myself, have to do and say things that make no real sense to me. That makes me one of the stupid people. Though I do try not to do more stupid things than are absolutely necessary to slip under the radar. I suppose I've gotten pretty good at pretending I'm on the right bus.
Now....., if I could only figure out how to get off.